Youngman column: Fox Studios, where ?The Fall Guy? was filmed, is the perfect venue.
By RANDY YOUNGMANCOLUMNIST
THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER
LOS ANGELES ? Now we know why the inaugural Pac-12 Football Football Media Day was held in the historic commissary at 20th Century Fox Studios in Los Angeles, which opened in 1930 and has served as a restaurant setting for such Fox movies as "Escape from the Planet of the Apes" and numerous TV series.
One of those series, according to a sign posted in the back of the room, was "The Fall Guy."
Perfect.
As we all know, many college football coaches end up as fall guys. The coaches all know this, too, as UCLA's Rick Neuheisel candidly conceded during his Q&A session with the assembled media Tuesday.
"I'm excited to be here," Neuheisel said in his introductory remarks. "As a coach on the proverbial hot seat, you're excited to be invited to any of these things."
Beginning his fourth season of a five-year contract, Neuheisel apparently is grateful that he is back to coach the Bruins after compiling 4-8, 7-7 and 4-8 records in his first three seasons ? an embarrassing 15-22, lack-of-progress report in his stated mission to revive his alma mater's downtrodden program.
At least Neuheisel is honest about his failure so far to deliver on promises made when he accepted the job. Usually when coaches get together before the season to meet the media, you have to read between the lines. Suffice to say, Media Day easily could be called "Cliché „ay."
Movie studios are a great place to stretch or embellish the truth, so the coaches probably felt very comfortable spinning their prospects for the 2011 Pac-12 season now that the conference has expanded to accommodate the arrival of new conference members Colorado and Utah.
On media day at Fox Studios, it also seemed appropriate that a TV drama series called "Lie to Me" was filmed here before it was canceled earlier this year. It was based on a real-life psychologist ? "a deception expert" -- who could read clues "embedded in the human face, body and voice to expose the truth and lies in criminal investigations."
Too bad that psychologist wasn't here to listen to Oregon's Chip Kelly deflect questions about his school's use of and payment for recruiting services, now under investigation by the NCAA. Fortunately, I have a lot of experience understanding and interpreting "coach-speak," so I am happy to translate his and other Pac-12 coaches' cliché²idden public comments.
From Oregon's Kelly: "We have great respect for the NCAA in terms of their review and examination of our use of recruiting services and we've cooperated fully with them and will continue to cooperate with them. We've also asked an outside law firm to conduct a review of our situation and produce a report that we'll make public.
"When those reports are made public, we'd love to talk about the situation. ... I'd love to answer all of the questions, to be honest with you, and we will at the appropriate time."
Translation: Thank God I don't have to answer questions about that now, because it looks bad that the owner of a Texas-based scouting service said I "personally approved" a $25,000 payment to him shortly after one of our recruits signed a letter-of-intent. I'll cross my fingers and let the NCAA sort it out.
A few other coaches' comments on media day that needed to be translated:
From USC's Lane Kiffin, handcuffed for the second consecutive year by NCAA sanctions (including a postseason ban) for violations that occurred before he was hired: "As far as the (NCAA) appeal process, we're just glad it's over. We're disappointed in the decision, but it is what it is. We worry about what we can control."
Translation: Our appeal was denied, so if we're not eligible to play in the conference title game and go to the Rose Bowl, we might as well do our best to prevent our opponents from winning the South Division. That will be our motivation.
From Arizona State's Dennis Erickson, picked to finish second behind USC in the South Division, which would enable ASU to play for the conference title even if ineligible USC finishes on top: "I don't care (laughing). A lot of things in life, you take any way you can get it."
Translation: I'd like to thank the NCAA putting USC on probation and making this opportunity possible. And if they want to put Oregon on probation, too, we might even have a shot to win it all.
From Colorado's Jon Embree, first-year coach of the Buffalos, on facing a 13-game schedule with no bye weeks: "I'm just glad he (the athletic director) didn't put the Green Bay Packers on the schedule."
Translation: Beggars can't be choosers. The only reason I'm here is last year's coach got fired.
Again, from Oregon's Kelly, on being picked to win the conference for the third consecutive season: "I'd like to commend the media that covers this conference, because I think you're the smartest ones out there. You picked us to win the league."
Translation: Just don't ask me any questions about recruiting services, you losers.
From Cal's Jeff Tedford: "We're excited about our leadership and team chemistry."
Translation: I wish we had more star players. Looks as if it will be another long season.
From Washington State's Paul Wulff: "I'm very excited to be here today. Thank you."
Translation: Like Neuheisel, I can't believe I'm back for another year after going 2-10, 1-11 and 2-11 in my first three years, winning only two conference games and one road game. It's a beautiful world.
Contact the writer: ryoungman@ocregister.com
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